


Road Untaken: Aftermath

by LoopyLiesey



Series: Road Untaken [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, F/M, M/M, Raising Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-03-20 02:39:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3633606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoopyLiesey/pseuds/LoopyLiesey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leading up to and immediately following Halloween 1981, an AU in which Remus and Sirius raise Harry. </p><p>Remus and Sirius have to work past their issues so that they can raise Harry together, while mourning the loss of their friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I used the 'Major Character Death' warning purely for James and Lily. 
> 
> I've been working on this since last year, and the first part is ready to go. It will be a series, the first fic being this one which leads up to when Remus and Sirius finally work out their issues. After this, each fic will follow each of Harry's years at school. 
> 
> An ambitious plan, I know.
> 
> A huge thank you to my beta, weequeer.

If he could, Sirius would have been the Secret Keeper for James and Lily. He would do all that he could to protect the two of them and Harry. But he knew he was the obvious choice. Too obvious. He had managed to convince James and Lily to use Peter, and now he had to tell Dumbledore. As soon as Dumbledore knew the truth, he could help lead everyone to believe that Sirius was the Secret Keeper.

James had mentioned telling Remus as well, had said that Remus deserved to know the truth, but Sirius had outright refused. They couldn’t trust Remus – it hurt, but it was a fact. Sirius hadn’t even seen Remus in months. They’d had a huge argument, Sirius had accused Remus of being the spy, and Remus had left. He hadn’t even denied it.

He wouldn’t have been able to tell Remus even if he wanted to.

As he walked through Hogwarts, Sirius tried to shut out the memories. He couldn’t think about Remus right now. He couldn’t think about the two of them snogging in that broom cupboard that he’s just walked past, he couldn’t think about he and his friends pulling that prank in that classroom. He had to focus, and he couldn’t get caught in memories of happier times.

As he reached Dumbledore’s office, he quickly said the password and made his way up the stairs. He knocked on the office door, which opened. Dumbledore sat at his desk, studying a piece of parchment, and he looked up, smiling at Sirius.

“Come in, my dear boy, come in,” Dumbledore said, “Would you like a sherbet lemon?”

“No, thank you,” Sirius said, feeling like he was sent to the Headmasters office by McGonagall after a particularly eventful prank. It had only been three years since they had left.

“I suppose you are here to discuss the Fidelius Charm,” Dumbledore said. Sirius nodded.

“James asked me to be their Secret Keeper, but I don’t think I should be. I’m the obvious choice,” Sirius said, “They’ll come right after me, and while I’d die for them, Voldemort and his Death Eaters… it’s not me that I’m scared for, understand?” Sirius paused, looking at Dumbledore intensely, willing him to know that he wasn’t a coward, “But if they torture me, I might not… no. I’m too obvious.”

“You’re right, of course,” Dumbledore said, “I advised James against you for that reason.”

“I convinced them to use Peter,” Sirius said. Dumbledore raised an eyebrow.

“Peter?”

“Yes. They would never think that James would use Peter. Just look at him. He’s not particularly talented, people think he’s just a tag-along, when he really is our friend. It’s the safest option, and James and Lily agree. They’ve decided,” Sirius said. Sirius watched, but Dumbledore gave away nothing. His face was completely impassive.

“I’ll have to discuss it with them,” Dumbledore said.

“Do what you have to. They’ve made a decision, the safest decision,” Sirius said, “Of course, we don’t want anyone to know it is Peter. We’ll have to lead everyone to believe it’s me. Whoever the spy in the Order is, they’ll think it’s me and that’s the information they’ll pass on.”

“If they think it’s you, they’ll still capture and torture you,” Dumbledore warned.

“I know,” Sirius said, drawing himself up to his full height, “But if I have no information to give them, then I’ll be okay. As long as Harry, James, and Lily are kept safe, and as long as I know I can’t tell them where they are, I’m not scared of Voldemort or his Death Eaters.” Dumbledore stood.

“No, you’re terrified,” Dumbledore contradicted, “But willing to face it for your friends. Very admirable. Very well. I will visit the Potters’, and talk to Peter, and before long they’ll go under the Fidelius Charm.” Sirius nodded, and smiled, happy to know that they would be safe. It also pained him. Sirius wished he knew when he would see them again. He couldn’t be sure if it would be weeks, months, or years.

It would be worth it when they were safe.

* * *

Sirius sat in the Potters’ living room, baby Harry in his arms. This would be the last time he saw them before the Fidelius Charm was put in place. He bounced baby Harry as he watched James and Lily whisper to each other, glancing at him every few seconds. Eventually James nodded, and walked over to Sirius, taking Harry, and Lily smiled at Sirius.

“Can I talk to you for a moment, Padfoot?” Lily asked. Sirius nodded, though he was hesitant. Whatever it was couldn’t be good, not if James and Lily had just argued about it. James walked out of the room with Harry, and Lily sat down next to Sirius.

“We don’t know when we will next be able to see you,” Lily started slowly, “And I have to say this before we go. You need to sort things out with Remus.” Sirius’ eyes widened, and he shook his head.

“No, Lily!” he exclaimed, “He’s the spy, I know he is.”

“Of course he isn’t the spy,” Lily said, “This is Remus we’re talking about.”

“You don’t know how much he changed, Lily,” Sirius said, “I do. I lived with him, I loved him. I watched him change into a completely different person, someone I can’t trust."

“You’ve changed as well,” Lily said, “We all have. You used to trust your friends. And don’t say you loved him as if it was in the past. You still do.” Sirius shook his head.

“He’s a liar, he’s a spy, and he’s betrayed us. I don’t love him,” Sirius lied, the words tasting like poison on his tongue. Of course he still loved him, even though it hurt. Despite Sirius’s attempts to stop thinking about Remus, he somehow crept into each and every single one of his thoughts. Lily looked at him dubiously.

“You can’t fool me, Sirius,” Lily said, shaking her head. She reached out and placed her hand on his shoulder, “Please. Just think about it. Once James, Harry and I are under the Fidelius Charm, and Peter goes into hiding, then you are going to be alone unless you reach out to Remus. Please do it.”

“No, Lily,” Sirius said quietly. It was tempting, oh how it was tempting. To reach out to Remus, to bring him back to their side, to be able to trust him again. But it wasn’t going to happen. Remus had turned against them, and he wouldn’t come back.

“Just think about it,” Lily said, and stood up and walked to the door, calling James back into the room. James walked back in, and together they enjoyed the time they had left.

* * *

The previous Halloween, Sirius had spent the day and night with Remus. They had gotten together on Halloween of their seventh year, it was their anniversary. There was already distrust between them the previous year, but they’d forgotten it for a day. Just for a day, so that they could enjoy it together.

This year, Sirius was all alone. Knowing that, he’d left the flat for a few hours, just wandering around Muggle London, trying to distract himself. Eventually, however, he had to go back home. When he reached the flat, he found the door unlocked. He slowly opened the door, his hand in his pocket wrapped around his wand, and took a tentative step through the door. He could hear someone in the kitchen, so he slowly and quietly walked through, and opened the door which made a loud creaking noise. He quickly whipped his wand out of his pocket, pointing it ahead of him, and found Remus staring at him.

“Er… sorry,” Remus said, “I didn’t mean to scare you or anything.” Sirius pocketed his wand carefully.

“What are you doing here, Remus?” Sirius asked. His heart thudded rapidly in his chest, but he worked hard to keep his face impassive.

“I needed to see you,” Remus said.

“Well, get out of here, I don’t want to see you,” Sirius said. Remus closed his eyes, and pained expression on his face.

“It’s our anniversary,” Remus said.

“Anniversaries don’t matter when you’re not in a relationship,” Sirius said, turning away.

“Sirius. Please, Sirius,” Remus said.

“Why are you here?” Sirius said, “I told you that I knew you were the spy.”

“And I haven’t forgiven you for that,” Remus said, “I don’t know how you could even – I would never. You guys were the first people other than my parents and Dumbledore to treat me like a human being after you found out what I am. Why would I betray you after that?” Sirius took a deep breath, his shoulders relaxing. It made sense. It made perfect sense. It was Remus. Why would Remus be the spy, why would Remus betray them?

“Remus-”

“Can we just forget about the war for a few hours, and just be together?” Remus asked, “I want that more than anything. Just for a few hours.” Sirius nodded, and stepped forward, falling into Remus’ arms. That was exactly where he belonged.

* * *

Sirius rolled out of bed, quickly pulling some clothes on. Remus sat up, frowning. 

“I just have to go do something quickly,” Sirius said, “For the Order. I’m not running.”

“You can’t tell me what it is that you’re doing?” Remus asked, though he already knew the answer. Sirius shook his head, and leant forward, kissing Remus quickly.

“I’ll be back soon,” Sirius promised, “I just – I have to do this. Sorry.” Remus nodded, and Sirius walked out of the room, heading to the house where Peter was in hiding. It had already been arranged that he would go and check on him tonight. Remus arriving at the flat hadn’t changed that.

He arrived outside Peter’s house, and quickly realised none of the wards were up. He drew his wand, holding it in front of him as he slowly walked towards the front door, which was wide open. Myriad of thoughts clouded Sirius’ mind, but he knew his priority was finding Peter, and making sure Peter was safe.

There was no sign of a struggle. That was the first thing Sirius noted as he went through the house. No sign of a struggle at all. That was odd. Peter wasn’t stupid enough to leave himself unprotected with no wards, with his door wide open. And where was he anyway? He wasn’t supposed to leave, not if he wanted to keep safe.

Unless… Sirius didn’t want to finish that thought, but he knew he had to.

Unless Peter had been the spy all along, and Sirius had just handed Peter the key. Unless Peter had nothing to fear from Voldemort and the Death Eaters because he was one of them. Unless Peter had turned his back on them all and had sold James and Lily out.

He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. He didn’t want to think it, but it was the only thing that made sense. And if it was true…

Sirius dashed out of the house and hopped on his motorbike, making his way to James and Lily’s immediately. He didn’t know exactly where they lived, but he knew the general vicinity, and if he got close, he would know. Somehow, he would just know if they were safe or not.

_That rat, that damn rat_.

He tried not to think about Peter. He tried not to think about how he’d accused the wrong person, Remus, of all people. He tried not to think about any of that, just trying to focus on getting to the village of Godric’s Hollow.

It was completely dark when he arrived, and he landed quietly where he knew there were no Muggles. Then he quickly concealed it with a few charms, before walking through the village. He hadn’t walked very far when he saw it, and stopped. The house was completely destroyed. None of the Muggles around seemed to have noticed yet.

The top floor was almost obliterated, and the rest of it was damaged. What hope was there for them? What possible hope was there that James and Lily and Harry had got away?

Without realising it, his feet moved him forwards, and he slowly walked into the house, a loud sob emitting from him when he saw James lying near the door, his eyes empty. Sirius dropped to his knees. James.

As his sobs quieted, he heard a cry come from upstairs. A baby cry. Sirius could hardly believe it, but he got up, and followed that cry, to see Harry in his cot, looking down at his mother who was laying there, her eyes just as empty as James’.

“Harry!” Sirius whispered, and he went over to the cot, picking Harry up, who recognised him and held his arms out to Sirius.

“Unca P’foo’!” Harry exclaimed. Sirius nodded, kissing Harry’s forehead.

“Uncle Padfoot has you now, Harry. I’ll look after you now,” Sirius promised. He walked out of the bedroom, not that it was really a room anymore, and he heard some heavy footsteps coming up the steps. Holding Harry carefully in his left arm, he tightened his hold on his wand with his right hand. He walked slowly to the stop of the staircase, and watched as a very large figure came up the stairs.

“Hagrid,” Sirius breathed out when he reached the top, “Why are you here?”

“Dumbledore tol’ me to come collect Harry here,” Hagrid said. Sirius shook his head.

“Well, I have him now, so there’s no need,” Sirius said.

“Dumbledore’s orders were to take him to… just a mo’,” Hagrid said, and slipped a gigantic hand into one of his coat pockets, and pulled out a piece of parchment, “Here. 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey.”

“I’m his Godfather, his guardian. I promised James and Lily if anything happened to them I’d look after Harry. He’s coming with me,” Sirius said firmly.

“I have to follow Dumbledore’s orders,” Hagrid said.

“Dumbledore knows that I’m his legal guardian now, what is he doing?” Sirius asked, furious.

“You’ll have to ask him that,” Hagrid said. Sirius groaned, and passed Harry over to Hagrid.

“Fine,” Sirius said, “I have to go find Remus. We’ll have him with us soon enough. Take my bike.” Sirius knew there was no point arguing with Hagrid. He was completely loyal to Dumbledore. He’d talk to Remus, and together the two of them would go to Dumbledore. Hagrid nodded as Sirius passed Hagrid the keys to his beloved motorcycle. Together, they left the house, and Sirius watched as Hagrid rode off on his bike with Harry.

Then he Disapparated back to his flat.

* * *

Remus opened his eyes as the bedroom door opened, and Sirius came in, light filling the room. Remus knew instantly that something was wrong. Sirius looked miserable.

“Sirius?” Remus asked, sitting up in the bed, pulling the covers up with him.

“Moony,” Sirius whimpered, falling on to the bed, “Oh, Merlin. I can’t… Moony. I wasn’t the Secret Keeper.”

“What?” Remus asked, confused.

“I was never James and Lily’s Secret Keeper. I thought I was too obvious. It was Peter. Dumbledore knew, but we told everyone else it was me,” Sirius said.

“Including me,” Remus said, feeling hurt. Sirius nodded.

“I’m sorry. I should have trusted you. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry,” Sirius said. Tears were flowing down Sirius’ cheeks, and Remus narrowed his eyes.

“Why are you telling me now, in the middle of the night?” Remus asked, “What happened?”

“Moony…” Sirius murmured, staring at Remus, meeting his eyes. Sirius shook his head slightly, just the smallest bit and Remus froze. He knew exactly why, especially with Sirius’ reaction, but he didn’t want to accept it.

“Please tell me it was just a guilty conscience, that you felt you had to tell me and that they are safe,” Remus said, “They’re safe. They have to be safe. Peter… if it was Peter… no. He wouldn’t. NO!” Sirius wouldn’t answer, he just looked away from Remus and stared at the ground.

Remus couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe it. James and Lily couldn’t be dead! Peter wouldn’t betray them!

“He must have been tortured,” Remus said in a low voice.

“No,” Sirius said his voice breaking, “He wasn’t. He’s been hiding in a secure location. That’s why I had to leave before, I went to check on him. But there was no sign of a struggle, and Peter wouldn’t have left unless he was certain of his safety.”

“What happened after you checked?” Remus asked, looking at Sirius desperately.

“I went to Godric’s Hollow. The Fidelius charm must have broken, because I found their house easily. It was completely destroyed. Pr-prongs was lying by the front door,” Sirius paused here and swallowed, still seeing James’ empty eyes in his mind, “I heard a cry from upstairs, and went up there to find Lily next to Harry’s cot. Harry – oh, Moony! Harry’s alive! I was going to take him, bring him here, but Hagrid turned up. He had orders from Dumbledore to take him to Privet Drive. That’s where Lily’s awful sister lives, isn’t it?” He stopped and looked at Remus, who merely nodded, “Well,” Sirius continued, “I tried to argue with Hagrid, but you know how loyal he is to Dumbledore. We have to do something, we have to talk to Dumbledore. We can’t leave Harry there. I’m his godfather! I should be raising him!”

“I’ll help you, of course,” Remus said, “We can go talk to him tomorrow.”

“Remus,” Sirius said, his voice pained, “What about Peter? That rat… what if he escapes? He could become a rat and go into hiding and no one will ever find him.”

“We’ll have to tell Dumbledore that he can become a rat. And just hope the Aurors find him,” Remus said.

“That’s not good enough!” Sirius exclaimed, “He betrayed James and Lily! I should go after him.” He stood up, and Remus scrambled out of the bed and grabbed Sirius’ arm.

“Don’t you dare, Sirius!” Remus said sharply, “Peter has already betrayed us. What will he do to escape? It might end up pretty bad for you, and you need to be there for Harry! No. Leave it to Dumbledore, the Aurors. Tomorrow we’ll go see Dumbledore and see what we can do about Harry. That’s what you need to be focused on. Harry. He has to be your priority!”

“That rat made him an orphan, ruined his life! Of course Harry is my priority if I go after Peter!” Sirius exclaimed.

“No. Revenge is your priority. You can’t go, Sirius. I’m going to help you get Harry, and I’m going to help you raise Harry, but I can’t do that if you go get yourself into trouble,” Remus said.

“He did this! Do you understand that, Remus? Peter betrayed them, he killed them. Harry is an orphan because of him!” Sirius yelled, his hands clenched.

“I do understand that. But who knows that he was the Secret Keeper? The two of us and Dumbledore? If you go after him, if something happens… Peter could very easily frame you, Sirius. And then where will you be, and where will Harry be?” Remus asked. He didn’t ask what he really wanted to ask. He didn’t ask if Sirius had thought about him at all, about where it would put Remus. He didn’t want to know the answer.

“You’re right,” Sirius said, defeated, pulling himself closer to Remus.

“We’ll go talk to Dumbledore in the morning,” Remus promised. Sirius nodded, lying down and resting his head on Remus’ chest, tears prickling in his eyes.

They’d talk to Dumbledore in the morning. They just had to first get through the longest night of their lives. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some references in this chapter to events that happened before this story began. I have a few headcanons regarding the Marauders era which come from a fic I wrote a few years back (still unfinished) that's on FFN, but I don't think it's necessary to have read that fic to understand.
> 
> Huge thank you to my beta, weequeer.
> 
> Also a thank you to people on tumblr who I asked ages ago to come up with careers for Sirius. I noted down their urls at the time and I don't know if they've changed, since it was a while ago and I find it hard to keep up, but I'll put down what I noted. gabrielresurrected had the idea for Sirius owning a pub, and veeagainsttheday came up with the name.

“I must admit, I wasn’t expecting a visit from you boys today,” Dumbledore said. He sat in his office, opposite Remus and Sirius.

“You weren’t? I’m Harry’s godfather and guardian and you just sent him off to the Muggles,” Sirius snapped.

“I understand that you are upset, but I have reasons. Harry’s safety is my top priority,” Dumbledore said. Sirius and Remus glanced at each other.

“Have you met Lily’s sister, sir?” Remus asked.

“I can’t say I’ve had the pleasure, though I have communicated with her in the past,” Dumbledore said.

“So you’ve definitely not met her husband?” Remus asked.

“No,” Dumbledore said.

“James told us about them. They were awful, hated anything magic, hated Lily and James. How will they treat Harry?” Remus asked, “And you expect us to believe Harry will be safe with them?”

“He needs to be safe from Voldemort,” Dumbledore said. 

“Voldemort is gone! That’s what everyone is saying, isn’t it?” Sirius exclaimed. Dumbledore nodded.

“It certainly seems as if that’s the case. But I do not believe he’s gone for good,” Dumbledore said.

“How would living with Muggles keep him safe from Voldemort?” Sirius asked disbelievingly.

“Harry shouldn’t have survived last night,” Dumbledore said, “Voldemort went there to kill him, Voldemort killed James and Lily, and somehow now Voldemort is gone and Harry has survived.”

“And what’s your theory about what happened?” Remus asked.

“Lily happened,” Dumbledore said, “Her love for her son was so great. She died for him, and that protected him.”

“Blood wards,” Sirius said, staring at Dumbledore, “You want to protect him under blood wards with Lily’s sister.”

“She is her only blood relative left,” Dumbledore said.

“There are ways around that. He doesn’t have to live with a blood relative,” Sirius said. Dumbledore shook his head.

“That is Dark magic, Sirius,” Dumbledore said.

“And yet you have no qualms talking to a Dark creature right now,” Remus pointed out. Dumbledore regarded Remus for a moment.

“There is a difference,” Dumbledore said.

“If it protects Harry while he has a stable, loving home, then it can’t be very Dark,” Remus insisted, “Dark magic is about intent. Our intent is to protect and care for him.”

“But it’s not a stable home,” Dumbledore said. Sirius and Remus glanced at each other.

“What?” Sirius asked.

“The two of you live in a flat, a small place not suitable for raising a child. I can’t allow for Harry to be raised there,” Dumbledore said.

“Can’t allow? I’m his godfather! His legal guardian, it’s in their wills! I don’t need your permission to take him!” Sirius exclaimed, standing up.

“You intend to exercise your legal right?” Dumbledore asked.

“You had no right to take Harry, no right to send him to Lily’s sister. It’s nothing to do with you!” Sirius exclaimed, shaking off Remus who was reaching out to calm him down.

“Do you intend to take this to the Ministry? You want to go through a court trial? Because if so, I fear you will not win,” Dumbledore said.

“James and Lily made me his legal guardian!” Sirius exclaimed, his voice hitching slightly when he said their names.

“I know that. But if you take this to the Ministry and tell them you intend to raise Harry with a werewolf, you will not win,” Dumbledore said. Remus recoiled slightly.

“I’ll leave,” Remus said.

“What?” Sirius asked, spinning around to stare at Remus.

“If you can’t raise Harry because of me, I will leave. It’s about Harry,” Remus said. Sirius shook his head.

“I can’t do it without you, Moony. I’m his guardian, but you know that Lily and James would want you to help raise him,” Sirius said.

“But if the only other option is leaving his with the Dursleys, then I have to leave,” Remus said.

“It is not the only other option,” Dumbledore said, “I just didn’t want you to go do anything rash. Going to the Ministry will not be good for any of us. Everything is a mess right now, and this is a terrible time for this conversation. I want Harry to be kept safe, yes, but I also want him to be happy. And if you can find a solution to that, then of course you should raise him.”

“A solution?” Sirius asked.

“I suggest we leave Harry with the Dursleys for a month, while you find somewhere else to leave and a solution to the blood protection issue. Then we can discuss this again,” Dumbledore said.

“A month?” Sirius said, sitting down again.

“It gives you time to prepare, and to find a solution,” Dumbledore said, “Now, as I’m sure you’re aware, raising a child costs money. Are you prepared for that?”

“I have my pub,” Sirius said. After leaving Hogwarts, Sirius had used the rest of his Uncle Alphard’s money to buy a pub, ‘The Dog Star’, which was separated into two different parts. One part was a Muggle pub, accessible to anyone, the other part for the Wizarding world. It was fairly successful, though lately had mostly been run by the employees, Sirius being busy with the war.

“Yes, an excellent place it is, too,” Dumbledore said. It had been frequented by many Order members, just like the Hog’s Head had been. It was there that Lily had announced her pregnancy (after being questioned about the lack of alcohol). It was there that Sirius had had a drink to his brother’s memory. There were many memories in that pub, and even the happy ones would have a hint of sadness, now.

“I think that’s all we were here to talk about,” Remus said, recognising the expression on Sirius’ face and knowing that he needed to be alone for a while.

“Of course. You boys have quite a lot on your minds at the moment, as do I. Funeral arrangements among them,” Dumbledore said sadly. Remus nodded, suddenly shocked. Funerals. Of course it would fall to him and Sirius. James and Lily had no one else. Lily’s sister certainly wouldn’t do anything. There was the chance she might not even turn up. Remus met Sirius’ eyes, and realised the thought hadn’t crossed his mind, either.

“Funeral,” Sirius said hoarsely, “Of course.”

“I’ve already told the Aurors that is was Mr Pettigrew who was the Secret Keeper. They’re searching for him now,” Dumbledore said as Sirius stood up.

“Thank you, sir,” Remus said, and he and Sirius left the office together.

* * *

The funeral turnout was quite small. The few remaining members of the Order. A couple of surviving friends from school. In the back Remus recognised Severus Snape, though decided not to mention it to Sirius. He and Lily had been friends, once. It was only fair that he was able to pay his respects.

Most surprisingly, however, was a woman neither Remus nor Sirius recognised, holding a baby that was very familiar to them both. When Harry spotted them he reached out to them, wriggling in his aunt’s arms.

“Unca P’foo! Unca Mooey!” Harry cried out. Sirius reached out to take him, but Petunia had a very firm grip on him.

“We didn’t expect to see you here,” Remus said.

“It is my sister’s funeral,” Petunia said primly.

“You weren’t at her wedding,” Remus said.

“And who are you?” Petunia asked.

“Their best friends,” Remus said.

“I’m Harry’s godfather,” Sirius said.

“Well, I’m not having you freaks in my house to visit him,” Petunia spat.

“Don’t worry,” Sirius said, tickling Harry under the chin, “He won’t be with you much longer.”

“Unca P’foo? Mama?” Harry questioned, looking up at Sirius with big eyes. Sirius reached out and stroked his hair.

“Sorry, buddy, no Mama,” Sirius said.

“Dada?” Sirius felt tears in his eyes, but tried not to cry. It wouldn’t be good for Harry.

“I think I’ll be going now,” Petunia said sharply, holding Harry closer and turning away. Sirius and Remus watched her leave.

“Cow,” Sirius muttered.

“Don’t worry, Sirius, we’ll have Harry before too long,” Remus said, his eyes narrowed at Petunia’s retreating back. Remus didn’t know what to think. He hadn’t expected her to turn up at all, but she had. And then insulted the both of them.

“We better have,” Sirius said darkly. The thought of Harry staying with that foul woman for much longer was too much to bear.

* * *

“What about this one, Moony?” Sirius said, leaning across the table and pointing out one of the house listings, “It’s in a small Muggle village, room for Harry outside, not too many people around. It would be easy to put up protection spells.” Remus glanced down at the property listing and shook his head.

“It’s only two bedrooms, we need three,” Remus said.

“Why?” Sirius asked.

“One for each of us,” Remus said, “Harry, you, me.”

“I thought…” Sirius said, then shook his head. Of course he was wrong. They’d shared a room since they’d gotten the flat together after leaving Hogwarts, but for the past week Remus has been sleeping in the spare room. Sirius knew that the past few months had been difficult – Sirius hadn’t trusted Remus, had believed he was the spy – but the past week, he could’ve used the comfort. And surely Remus would have need it, too.

“You thought I was going to just jump right back to how our relationship was before?” Remus asked, looking disbelieving.

“You seemed fine with it that night,” Sirius said.

“I don’t want to talk about this right now, Sirius, I’d much rather figure out a way to use the blood wards so that we can protect Harry,” Remus said, looking back down at the books in front of him.

“Moony…”

“Harry is more important,” Remus said, refusing to look up.

“You want to bring Harry into this mess?” Sirius asked.

“Alright. You didn’t trust me. You honestly believed that I was the traitor, the spy. Does it surprise you that I’m keeping my distance?” Remus asked.

“You knew that a week ago!” Sirius exclaimed, “You knew I didn’t trust you a week ago and you still jumped into bed with me. In fact, you were the one who turned up here, unannounced!”

“Because it was our anniversary and I was emotional and nostalgic. That was a one off, not… not jumping back into a destructive relationship,” Remus snapped. Sirius blinked, and looked down at the table.

“Destructive,” he repeated. Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat, wringing his hands.

“Sirius…”

“No. I guess now I know what you think,” Sirius said, “You did say you didn’t want to talk about it. I should have listened.”

“Padfoot…” Sirius shook his head at Remus and stood up.

“I’m going to go for a walk,” Sirius said, and walked out of the kitchen. He got out of the flat and started to walk aimlessly around the neighbourhood, thinking over what Remus had said. Destructive. It hurt to know what Remus really thought.

* * *

“I’ve found it!”

Sirius was woken suddenly by Remus shaking him. He rubbed his eyes and looked up at Remus, who was holding a book and looked excited.

“What is it?” Sirius asked.

“I’ve found the answer to the blood ward problem. Petunia will have to willingly provide a vial of her blood once a year, but I think she’d prefer that to raising the child of the sister she hated,” Remus said. Sirius sat straight up.

“What?”

“We find a house and we tell Dumbledore about this and we’ll have Harry,” Remus said, grinning, “Away from his vile aunt.”

“Moony, I could kiss you!” Sirius exclaimed, and then shook his head, immediately regretting saying that, “Sorry.” Remus didn’t respond, just glanced over at the clock.

“I woke you up, sorry,” Remus said, “I was up early and starting reading and I found it. I was excited. I’ll let you sleep.” Sirius nodded, watching Remus leave the room rather regretfully. He was an idiot. Remus was already uncomfortable around him, he wished he hadn’t let that slip out.

* * *

Sirius sat and listened quietly as Remus explained to Dumbledore his idea for getting around the blood ward problem. Remus was worked up, gesturing rapidly with his hands as he talked excitedly, and Sirius couldn’t help but feel relieved. If Remus had found a way, they would have Harry.

“That borders on the Dark Arts, Remus,” Dumbledore said as Remus finished. Remus nodded in acknowledgement.

“We’ve discussed this already. Dark magic is about the intent. We only intend to care for Harry,” Remus said.

“Have you found somewhere suitable to raise him?” Dumbledore asked.

“We’ve looked at a few places, but most of them need a lot of work before I would want Harry to live there,” Sirius admitted, before glancing at Remus, “Sir. Before James went into hiding, he was… working on something. A project, a surprise for Remus.”

“Me?” Remus asked, looking surprised. Sirius nodded.

“When Remus’ parents were killed, the house was destroyed, but Remus still owns the land. James was rebuilding their house for him,” Sirius said, “I… that was always an option, but I didn’t know how you’d feel about it, and I don’t know how complete it is.” Remus stared at Sirius in shock.

“He was doing that?” Remus asked. Sirius nodded.

“You refused his help even though you had no income, so he found a way to help, anyway,” Sirius said. Remus nodded, wiping away a tear quickly. Of course James would do that. James did anything he could to help his friends.

“I would like to look at it,” Dumbledore said, “If it’s not complete, I’m sure we can do something about it. Harry would be much happier with the two of you. I would suggest, however, that you keep him away from the Wizarding world. All that fame will go to his head, and could be overwhelming.”

“Keep away entirely?” Sirius asked.

“I’m sure there are a few families who Harry can spend time with,” Dumbledore said, “Your cousin, Andromeda Tonks, for instance. Maybe some families with children Harry’s age, as Harry grows up. But we can concern ourselves with that later.”

“Can we look at the house?” Remus whispered.

“I suggest that we all take a look at it now,” Dumbledore said, rising from his seat. Remus and Sirius quickly agreed, and the three of them made their way out of the castle before Apparating just outside of the property that Remus had lived in with his parents.

Remus gasped as he spotted the house. It looked almost the same as it did before it was destroyed. Two stories, white siding. There were no trees like there had once been, but that could be easily fixed. The garden was still destroyed.

In a daze, Remus walked up to the house, and pushed the door open slowly. The hallway looked the same, wood flooring leading to the staircase, four doors, two on each side of the hallway. He pushed the first door on the left open, and there was the living room. The furniture was all different, of course, but it was warm and cosy. The second door on the left was a bathroom, and the two doors on the right were the kitchen and dining room, which had a connecting door between them.

He grabbed Sirius’s hand before ascending the stairs, where, again, there were four doors, three of them bedrooms and the other one a bathroom. He let go of Sirius’s hand and turned to look at him.

“How did James manage this?” Remus said, “It’s not exactly the same, of course, but it’s so… why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think he’d finished,” Sirius said, looking around him. He stepped forward as Dumbledore reached the top of the stairs.

“Well, boys, I think we’ve got our solution,” Dumbledore said, “You can collect Harry as soon as you’re ready. Petunia will have to agree to the blood ward situation, of course.”

“I don’t think that will be a problem,” Remus said confidently. Remus and Sirius smiled at each other, silently agreeing that they would spend the night moving their stuff and setting up a room for Harry before going to get him the next day.

* * *

Together, Remus and Sirius walked up the path to the door of Number Four, Privet Drive. Remus glanced at Sirius before raising his hand and knocking on the door.

“You again,” Petunia said once she opened the door, “What do you want?”

“We’re here to discuss Harry. Would you mind if we come in?” Remus asked politely. Petunia looked over the both of them.

“At least you’re dressed normally,” Petunia said, “Fine. Are you here to take him off my hands?”

“We would very much wish to, but as I said, we have to discuss it,” Remus said, “May we sit?” Petunia nodded, and lead them into the living room. Remus and Sirius sat next to each other, facing Petunia.

“What do you want to say?” Petunia asked.

“We want to take Harry, and raise him, but there’s a small issue that we have to deal with before we do,” Remus said. Sirius, meanwhile, looked around the house. It was so clean and crisp. Impossibly clean, almost.

“What issue?” Petunia asked.

“When Lily was killed, she was protecting Harry, and it created a sort of blood spell ward on him. Dumbledore brought Harry to you because Harry needed to live with someone with a close blood relation to Lily. We have a way around it, but it would mean that we would need a small amount of your blood once a year,” Remus said.

“You want my blood?” Petunia asked disgustedly.

“It really is our only option, unless you want to raise Harry,” Remus said. Petunia pursed her lips.

“Fine,” Petunia said, “If you’ll take that boy off our hands, I’ll do it.”

“Thank you,” Remus said, “You’re helping to protect your sister’s son. Where is Harry?”

“He’s having a nap. I’ll go get him,” Petunia said.

“We’ll come with you,” Sirius said, standing up, “I want to see the little guy.”

“No. I won’t have your kind traipsing through my house. It’s bad enough you’re in here,” Petunia snapped, before leaving the living room. Sirius ignored what she said and followed her out into the hallway, and watched as Petunia opened the cupboard door. His eyes narrowed as Petunia reached forward and took Harry.

“You put him in a CUPBOARD?” Sirius roared, causing Remus to jump up and rush to stand behind Sirius. Petunia turned to look at him, an ugly expression on her face.

“Where was I supposed to put him? He was just dumped on my doorstep, no one thinking to ask. Take the awful child, I’ll be glad to see the back of him,” Petunia said, shoving Harry into Sirius’s arms.

“Harry has been here a month,” Remus said calmly, “Has he been sleeping in that cupboard all that time?”

“I don’t have to answer your questions,” Petunia said.

“No, you don’t have to answer mine. Child services, on the other hand…” Remus let his sentence drop off.

“Remus…” Sirius started to say, but Remus cut him off.

“Sirius, take Harry outside,” Remus said, deadly calm. Sirius nodded, recognising the tone of Remus’s voice. This was just before he lost his temper. He left quickly, and Remus walked slowly towards Petunia.

“What are you going to do to me?” Petunia asked.

“What do you think I should do? What do you deserve, for treating an innocent baby like that?” Remus exclaimed.

“Innocent? Hardly. He’s a menace! A freak, just like my sister and her husband!” Petunia exclaimed. Remus drew his wand and pointed it towards her. Petunia took a step backwards, fear growing in her eyes. Without a word, he twirled his wand and it shot a light out at Petunia.

“What did you do to me?” Petunia asked. Remus shrugged and turned around, starting to walk out of the house, Petunia following him.

“What did you do to me?” she demanded as Remus opened the front door. Remus ignored her as he went up to join Sirius and Harry. Harry was awake now, and smiled and reached out to Remus.

“Unca Mooey!” Harry said. Remus grinned at him.

“That’s right, Harry,” Remus said.

“WHAT DID YOU DO?” Petunia screamed. Remus glanced at Sirius before they got into the Muggle car they had borrowed for the day.

“What did you do?” Sirius asked as they drove away.

“Nothing,” Remus said, “She doesn’t know that though. I thought perhaps with a bit more time we could come up with a different idea. I just want her to be scared for a little while.”

“Brilliant,” Sirius said, “But you’re right. We need to do something.”

“But first we need to get Harry home,” Remus said. Harry giggled in the backseat, and Remus and Sirius smiled at the sound of it. Harry was with them, he would be raised by two people who loved him, just as James and Lily wanted.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta weequeer.

“Christmas is in two weeks,” Remus said as Sirius walked through into the living room. It was midnight, and Sirius had been at his pub, covering a shift for one of his employees who was sick. Sirius stared at Remus.

“What?” he asked.

“Christmas. Two weeks. I’d completely forgotten,” Remus said.

“Me too,” Sirius said, “It feels wrong to celebrate it.”

“I know,” Remus agreed, “But we should make it a good day for Harry, anyway.”

“We should. Tomorrow we can go shopping for all the Christmas decorations. What should we buy him as a present? I should find out what Andromeda has planned,” Sirius said as he sat down.

“Well don’t Floo her now, it’s the middle of the night,” Remus said.

“I know,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes and sitting down next to Remus, “Why aren’t you in bed, anyway?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Remus said, “As is common. Just decided that I wouldn’t pretend to sleep tonight.”

“How often do you pretend to sleep?” Sirius asked, concerned.

“How often do you?” Remus countered.

“Harry went down easily?” Sirius asked, changing the subject.

“I got halfway through reading the story and he was already snoring,” Remus said, smiling slightly, “He’s loud. Like Prongs.”

“Even Prongs couldn’t compete with Peter though,” Sirius said, before his smile turned sour. Remus stood up.

“I’m going to bed. May as well try to sleep. Good night, Sirius,” Remus said, and he walked out of the living room. Sirius fell back into the sofa. Things had been awkward at best between him and Remus. When Harry was in the room, it was easy. But they had nothing to talk about that wasn’t painful. One of them would accidentally mention Peter, and the conversation would stop dead. Remus still tended to be short with Sirius, and Sirius didn’t blame him. He had believed that Remus was the traitor. Remus might never forgive him for that.

* * *

It had been a busy day of shopping, both in Diagon Alley and Muggle London. Sirius and Remus had left Harry with Andromeda for the day, knowing it would be far easier to get the shopping done without him. They now had all the decorations for Christmas, and Christmas presents for Harry and some others. They had both gotten a small present for each other, also, though neither of them knew the other had.

The only thing left was to buy a tree, and they had decided they would buy one after they’d dropped all the other stuff back home. Once they were done with that, they made their way to a small place where they were selling trees in the nearby village. They were both bundled up in sweaters, hats, and scarfs, and a part of Sirius was wanting to start a snowball fight with Remus, but he restrained himself.

Remus’s gloved hand found Sirius’s as they walked around the trees, looking for a decent one. They wanted to make this Christmas a good one for Harry, despite everything, and the fact he wouldn’t remember it. A nice day for Harry, but partly for themselves, as well. James and Lily wouldn’t want them to be wallowing in misery.

“This is it,” Remus said, stopping suddenly. Sirius looked at the tree in front of them, it was fairly tall, and at the moment it was covered in snow, though that could be fixed.

“If you say so, Moony,” Sirius said, letting go of Remus’s hand as he looked around. A few people had been giving the two of them looks.

After the help of an assistant, they had a tree in the living room, and Sirius took in a deep breath, enjoying the smell of the pine. It really was Christmas.

“You think Harry will be able to help decorate?” Sirius asked.

“I think he’s far more likely to pull of any decorations he can reach off the tree,” Remus said, “But of course he’ll help. When is Andromeda dropping him back?” Sirius glanced at his watch.

“Ten minutes,” he said.

“Convenient,” Remus said. Sirius smiled at him, and pulled the tree a bit further out of the corner they’d placed it in. He then moved over to their Muggle cassette player and turned it on, Christmas music starting to play.

“Do you remember last Christmas?” Sirius asked. Remus nodded. Of course he did. It hadn’t been a pleasant one. They’d spent the day with James, Lily, Harry, and Peter, but it had been subdued. No one trusted Remus, though they wouldn’t say it. Sirius was being distant from Remus, James didn’t know where to look, and Lily kept sending Remus pitying looks.

“I don’t like to,” Remus admitted. Sirius bit his lip.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said.

“Stop apologising,” Remus said, “It changes nothing.” The two looked at each other from opposite sides of the room until there was a loud knock on the door. Looking away from Remus, Sirius made his way to the door.

“Hey, Harry, did you have a good time with Dromeda and Dora?” Sirius asked as Andromeda handed Harry over to him.

“Dora!” Harry exclaimed.

“Thank you, Dromeda, you know how much we appreciate this. Did you want to come in for some tea?” Sirius asked. Andromeda shook her head.

“Thank, Sirius, but I should get home. And I’m happy to take Harry off your hands anytime you need me to,” she replied. They bade each other good bye, and Sirius closed the door behind her, taking Harry into the living room.

“We have something for you, Harry,” Sirius said, “We have a Christmas tree. Did you want to help decorate it?”

“Kissmas twee!” Harry exclaimed. Sirius laughed and put Harry down on the ground, who carefully toddled over to the tree. He reached up the branches.

“Unca P’foo? Twee,” Harry said, turning to look at Sirius and pointing at the tree.

“That’s right, buddy,” Sirius said, “And we are going to decorate it.” He pulled out the shopping bags that had all the decorations in, and showed the bag to Harry, who reached in and grabbed a string on tinsel, pulling it out hard and then falling backwards. Remus rushed forward, but Harry giggled.

“Let’s put that on the tree, okay?” Remus said, picking Harry up and draping the tinsel around the tree. The three of them spent the next half hour decorating the tree. When the finished, Remus and Sirius stepped back to admire their handiwork, Sirius holding Harry who was wrapped in golden tinsel.

“It looks like one of those Muggle Christmas elves vomited,” Remus said.

“I have no idea what that is,” Sirius said, shaking his head, “Christmas elves? Like house elves?” Remus shook his head, a small smile on his face.

“They help Father Christmas,” Remus said.

“You mean the fat guy in a red suit?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah,” Remus said, “Well, it’s certainly festive. And so is Harry.” He reached over and tickled Harry under his chin, and Harry giggled. Sirius handed Harry over to Remus.

“I should go get dinner ready,” Sirius said. Remus nodded, and put Harry back down on the ground, Christmas music still blaring loudly in the living room. Harry, at the least, seemed happy.

* * *

“That was delicious, Andromeda, thank you,” Remus said as he finished the meal Andromeda had prepared for Christmas Eve. Remus, Sirius, and Harry were spending the night at the Tonks residence, to spend the entirety of Christmas with the family.  

“You’re very welcome,” Andromeda said.

“We’re grateful that you opened your home to us for Christmas,” Remus said.

“Sirius is family, and by extension, you and Harry. Of course you’re welcome, especially after everything that has happened,” Andromeda said, “Anyway, Dora is fond of you.” Andromeda was right. Dora had been spending basically the entire evening with Remus, though she had spent some time with Sirius.

“I’ll help you in the kitchen,” Sirius said, standing up and clearing some of the plates away. Andromeda nodded, and did the same, following Sirius through to the kitchen.

“You’re not subtle,” Andromeda said, “What did you want to talk about?”

“Remus,” Sirius said, “I don’t know how to fix things with him.”

“Fix things?” Andromeda asked, “I thought you were fine?”

“Of course we’re not,” Sirius said, wiping the dishes with a cloth, “He hates me. I don’t blame him. I called him a traitor, I called him worse than that. I acted like he was an animal, and now… shit, Andromeda. I’ve lost him.” He looked away from her, trying to hide his tears.

“He’s helping you raise Harry,” Andromeda said.

“For James and Lily,” Sirius said.

“Perhaps,” Andromeda said, “Have you tried talking to him about it?”

“Yes,” Sirius said petulantly, “He called our relationship ‘destructive’.”

“From what you’ve told me, it was,” Andromeda said, “But that can change. Wait until he’s ready to talk about it. Prove how sorry you are. Talk about it seriously when it happens, and don’t get offended at any little thing like a drama queen.”

“I don’t do that,” Sirius muttered.

“You’re doing that right now,” Andromeda said, “Listen, Sirius. I’m only trying to help. I want you to be able to work things out with him, because I’ve never seen you as happy as you were when you were with him. At least, in the beginning.”

“You think we can go back to that?” Sirius asked. Andromeda shook her head.

“You can’t go backwards, Sirius,” she said, “When you got together, when you were just out of Hogwarts, there was a carefree attitude in both of you that you can never have again. Not after the war, not now you’re raising Harry. But you can move forward. You can come together, mature together. But only when he’s ready.”

“What if he’s never ready?” Sirius asked. Andromeda smiled at her cousin, and took his hand in hers, moving him away from the sink.

“Remus loves you. I know that much. You’ll work things out,” Andromeda said. Sirius pulled his hands away from Andromeda’s and nodded. He couldn’t quite believe her, but he hoped anyway.

* * *

The Tonkses, Remus, Sirius, and Harry sat around the Christmas tree early Christmas morning, all of them still in their pajamas. They were passing around presents, and Harry was sitting in a pile of wrapping paper that had been ripped off the presents, playing with it happily.

“Er, Moony?” Sirius said quietly, and Remus turned to look at him curiously, “I got something for you. It’s not much, but…” He drifted off, and handed Remus the small present. Remus took it slowly, smiling at Sirius, and opened it to see a moon and star pendant. Remus inspected it carefully, and looked up at Sirius.

“I don’t wear jewellery,” Remus said.

“I know,” Sirius said, swallowing, “But when I saw that… I just wanted you to have it, okay?” Remus nodded, and enclosed his hand around the pendant tightly.

“I have something for you too,” Remus said thickly, “Er… here.” He reached into his pocket and handed Sirius a small wrapped gift. With trembling hands, Sirius opened it, and he felt a sob rise up as he looked at the gift. It was a photo frame with a photo of him and James together. Sirius had never seen that photo before, but looking at it he could place it. It was at James and Lily’s housewarming party when they moved in together in the first place they lived.

“Moony…”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Remus said, “I thought you’d want that photo.” Sirius nodded, staring down. James looked so happy, his arm flung around Sirius. Sirius clutched onto the frame tightly, and only looked up when he felt a small hand tug on his hands. Harry had toddled over to Sirius, and was trying to climb into his lap.

“Hey, Prongslet,” Sirius said, moving the photo aside and pulling Harry up, “Do you like your presents?”

“Pwesen’,” Harry repeated, reaching out towards the photo. Sirius picked it up, and showed Harry, and Harry pointed at James, “Dada? Where Dada?” Sirius took a deep breath before pressing a kiss to the top of Harry’s head, closing his eyes.

“Sorry, buddy. Dada’s gone,” Sirius said. Remus reached out and squeezed Sirius’s hand.

“Alright,” Andromeda said after a moment, attempting to lighten the mood, “We have something for the two of you.” She handed Remus and Sirius a box each, and they exchanged looks before opening the gifts. Harry climbed off Sirius’s lap and sat down next to Remus’s feet.

“A parenting starter pack,” Ted said with a grin, “Everything you need to raise a child. Children’s books, parenting books, alcohol for when the day has been too much and he’s already in bed. We also included baby monitors. Harry’s a bit older, but we know that you’re going to be panicking about him a lot. Just put one on his room and the other with you, and you’ll know when something happens, if he wakes up, anything.”

“Thank you,” Remus said.

“There are a few other surprises in there too,” Andromeda said, winking at Sirius. Sirius frowned, and started to peruse the box.

“Not in front of the children,” Ted said quickly, moving across the room and closing the box.

“I don’t think there’s much need, if it is what I think it is,” Sirius said.

“Just in case, then,” Andromeda said, grinning widely, and Sirius was reminded of why she was his favourite cousin, other than being the only other decent one in the family. She was just as mischievous as he was. Sirius shook his head, fighting a smile, as he closed the box and pushed it aside. He watched as Remus pulled Harry into his lap, and smiled a bit. This Christmas may be a solemn one, but he had his family. They were able to give Harry some happiness, and as far as Sirius was concerned, that made that Christmas a success.

* * *

It was dark when Sirius woke up. He looked at the clock, it was 2:30 in the morning. Sighing, he got out of bed and made his way through to the bathroom when he saw light coming from Harry’s room. He finished up in the bathroom before moving to Harry’s bedroom, opening the door slowly, and smiled at the scene before him. Remus sat in the big arm chair, Harry lying on his chest, the both of them fast asleep. He watched them for a moment, before decided that he should probably put Harry in his crib. He walked towards them quietly, picking Harry up.

“Shhh,” Sirius whispered as Harry began to wake, and he rocked him gently before placing him in his crib. Harry yawned, his eyes closing again, and he was soon back to sleep. Sirius turned to Remus, who was still sleeping deeply. Deciding it was best not to disturb Remus, he walked out of the room, turning the light off as he left.

* * *

New Years Eve had Remus and Sirius sitting together in the living room, listening to the wireless. Harry had long gone to bed, and they both had a glass of Firewhiskey to bring in the New Year.

They were silent and solemn.

“And this new year should be a good one, with You-Know-Who gone,” the radio presenter said in the background, and Remus and Sirius looked at each other.

“This is the first year that they’ll never see,” Sirius muttered, looking back down at his glass of firewhiskey, “It’s not fair.”

“No,” Remus agreed, “It’s not. But this year is a new beginning, even if that sounds cliché. We can’t keep wallowing in misery, it’s not healthy for Harry.”

“I know it’s not,” Sirius said, meeting Remus’s eyes, his eyes glassy with tears, “It’s so hard sometimes. I look at him, and I think of James.”

“It hurts,” Remus said.

“It doesn’t help that they haven’t caught Peter,” Sirius said.

“We never told them he can become a rat,” Remus said.

“Why?” Sirius asked, “I wanted to, but I couldn’t.”

“He can become a rat because he was our friend, and we can’t quite let go of that yet,” Remus said, “We haven’t fully accepted that he betrayed us all.”

“Of course I have, he’s a damn traitor!” Sirius exclaimed.

“Then why haven’t you told anyone that he’s an Animagus?” Remus asked, “Neither of us have told anyone.” Sirius frowned. Remus was right, in a way. Neither of them had told anyone.

“Well, we’ll just have to tell someone. Dumbledore. Moody. Someone,” Sirius said, taking another sip of his drink.

“New Years resolution,” Remus muttered.

“And the countdown begins,” the radio presenter said, “10!”

“Well, here it is,” Sirius said, as the radio presenter continued the countdown.  Remus wouldn’t look at Sirius, just down at his lap, fidgeting with his fingers. Sirius took the last sip of his firewhiskey, thinking about how he would never share a glass with James again. The countdown continued as Remus moved closer to Sirius, looking at him with a contemplative expression.

“Moony?” Sirius asked, concerned.

“2! 1! Happy New Year!”

As the radio presenter finished his sentence, Remus leant over and kissed Sirius softly. Surprised, Sirius didn’t respond, and blinked rapidly when Remus pulled away after a short time, his heart thudding in his chest.

“Happy New Year, Padfoot,” Remus said quietly, before standing up and hurrying out of the room. Sirius watched him leave wide eyed, half-believing that he’d imagined what had just happened. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this isn't updating very consistently. I'm terrible. I'm trying to figure out a whole lot of stuff at the moment, health issues and resigning from work because of a myriad of reasons and just being exhausted all the time (health issues again) and tbh kind of forgetting that I hadn't posted the chapter even though I'd finished writing it so long ago. 
> 
> I'm working on the Philosopher's Stone equivalent fic for this AU at the moment and I'm also dying from adorableness a little bit.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta, weequeer!
> 
> Another apology for this taking a month to post. Sorry!

Remus woke up on the first day of the new year to Harry’s giggles. He rubbed his eyes, sitting up and saw that Harry was holding on to the side of his bed, standing up, watching Remus.

“Why are you up and about?” Remus asked, sitting up and helping Harry clamber on to his bed. Sirius walked through the bedroom door and smiled at him.

“I let him out, and he wanted to wake you up,” Sirius said, “Sorry. Nothing would dissuade him, so I decided to bring you some breakfast to make up for it.” He was holding a tray.

“Is it edible?” Remus asked.

“I can cook eggs and bacon and toast,” Sirius said, walking over to the bed and giving him the tray of food, “And I thought you might like the tea. Two sugars, just how you like it.” Remus smiled at Sirius before letting out a huge yawn. Harry grabbed some of the egg with his hands, and Sirius picked him up.

“I have some breakfast for you down in the kitchen, you little bugger,” Sirius said to Harry, and looked over at Remus, “I’ll go feed him, but, er… Moony? Can we talk later?” Their eyes met, and Remus nodded, knowing that Sirius wanted to talk about the kiss.

“When Harry’s down for his nap?” Remus suggested.

“Good,” Sirius agreed, and took Harry out of the bedroom. Remus looked down at the tray of food with a small smile on his face. It was things like this, and how Sirius had looked after him after the last full moon, that helped Remus move past his anger, and his hesitance.

But it wasn’t just anger that held Remus back. He loved Sirius, and Remus didn’t think anything could ever make him stop loving Sirius, but it really wasn’t that simple. Love wasn’t enough for a relationship, not when you didn’t trust someone, and now they had to be extra careful, because they had Harry

Remus groaned, pushing the tray of food away, taking only the cup of tea. He couldn’t eat at the moment.

* * *

After eating lunch together, Remus and Sirius were able to put Harry down for a nap before sitting down in the living room, neither one of them sure how to begin the conversation.

“I don’t know what happening with us,” Sirius said after taking a deep breath. He refused to look at Remus, instead looking down at his lap while he rubbed his hands, “For a moment there I thought things were over for good, that we could never be together again, but then… then you give me some hope that things can get better. You hold my hand, or you smile with that smile, the one you only ever had for me, or…”

“I kiss you,” Remus muttered, looking at Sirius and shaking his head, “I’m sorry, Sirius, I’m so confused and I don’t want to hurt you or mess with you, but I don’t know what I’m doing. I love you, but I’m so angry about everything and I’m not sure if I can trust you.”

“You love me and I love you, why can’t we just go back to what we were?” Sirius asked.

“Because you thought I was the traitor. You honestly believed that I would betray you, James, Lily, and Harry,” Remus said, “There are so many people in the world who can’t trust me because of what I am. Most of the Order were suspicious of me. I thought you’d at least be by my side.” Remus shook his head, blinking back tears.

“Moony,” Sirius said, looking up at Remus and moving closer to him, “I was an idiot.”

“Why aren’t you angry with me?” Remus asked, “I said some awful things to you.”

“I deserved them,” Sirius muttered.

“No,” Remus said, “You didn’t. You’re not your family, and I never should have – Merlin, Padfoot, I’m so sorry.” He closed his eyes, thinking back to that awful night all those months ago when things had blown up between them.

 

_Remus couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He stared at Sirius, his mouth open. Sirius was furious, and Remus could feel his heart breaking, but he wouldn’t give Sirius the satisfaction of seeing him cry._

_“And how do I know it’s not you?” Remus asked coldly, “How can anyone trust that you’re not the spy? You’re a Black.” Remus knew he’d gone too far the moment he said it, but he was too upset to care. Sirius stared at him in shock, before turning around and storming out of their bedroom and out into the living room. Remus followed him._

_“How can you say that?” Sirius yelled, turning around and looking at Remus._

_“What’s the difference between that and you suspecting me because I’m a werewolf?” Remus asked, “You’re family is evil, why would you be any different?”_

_“They’re not my family!” Sirius screamed, “James is my family. His parents. Lily. Harry. They’re my family, not… not them.” Remus knew he should have let it go, that he shouldn’t have continued, but he couldn’t help it._

_“It could be just one big charade. You pretend to break away from your family so they have someone on the inside,” Remus said, “Everything could be a lie.”_

_“No,” Sirius said, “I have never – what about you?”_

_“What about me?” Remus asked, raising an eyebrow challengingly._

_“You were raised a liar. Trained to lie since you were five years old,” Sirius said._

_“You know why,” Remus said, “And ever since you found out I have never lied to you!”_

_“What about all of those missions for the Order? You haven’t told me anything!” Sirius yelled._

_“I can’t tell you! You already know this, you were fine with it! Why can’t you just admit it?”_

_“Admit what?”_

_“This is about me being a werewolf. You’re just as prejudiced at the rest of them. Don’t think I don’t see them, the Order whispering to each other about me. They all avoid me, they all think that I’m the spy,” Remus said._

_“They’re idiots,” Sirius scoffed._

_“You think I’m the traitor,” Remus pointed out._

_“But not because you’re a werewolf. The evidence-”_

_“There’s no evidence,” Remus said, “There can’t be because I am not the traitor. But what’s the point? You’ve already decided that I am. Obviously the only option is the werewolf. Dark creature, right?” He turned around and went into the bedroom, throwing all of his belongings into his trunk._

_“What are you doing?” Sirius demanded as Remus walk back through into the living room._

_“I’m leaving,” Remus said, “I don’t have to deal with this.”_

_“Leaving just proves me right,” Sirius snarled, “You’re running away because you’ve been caught out.” Remus ignored him as he walked to the door of their flat._

_Remus reached his hand up to the doorknob, his heart hammering in his chest._

_“Moony…” Sirius whimpered._

_“What?” Remus demanded, turning around, “What now? You want me to stay so you have someone to yell at, to accuse of betraying you? So that you can treat me exactly how your family would treat me? You’re just like them,” Remus paused, and looked Sirius dead in the eye, wanting his next comment to hurt, “I can’t escape being a werewolf, but at least I’m only a monster once a month. You can’t ever escape being a Black.” He opened the door and left the flat, slamming the door shut behind him._

_He would probably never see Sirius again._

 

Remus met Sirius’s eyes, knowing that he was thinking of the same night.

“Destructive,” Sirius muttered. Remus sighed, leaning forward and placing his head in his hands.

“Sirius…” he started to say, but he couldn’t continue. He couldn’t think of anything to say.

“So we… we’re done?” Sirius asked.

“We have Harry to raise,” Remus said.

“What does that have to with anything?” Sirius asked.

“Everything,” Remus said, “If we – if we get back together, and then something happens, where does that put Harry? We don’t work, we’ve already proved that.”

“It was war,” Sirius said, “And I know better now, I’ve learned from my mistakes.”

“And what happens when Voldemort comes back?” Remus asked, and Sirius cast Remus a doubtful look, “Don’t look at me like that, you know it’s going to happen.”

“What, because Dumbledore thinks so?” Sirius asked.

“You know he’ll be back,” Remus said quietly, “You don’t to admit it, but you know it.”

“I won’t ever lose faith in you again, Moony. I know I was an idiot, and I know I hurt you, and I’m so sorry for that. But that won’t happen again,” Sirius said, taking Remus’s hand in his, “I promise.”

“I can’t just jump right back in,” Remus said.

“Then we can take it slowly,” Sirius said, “However slowly you want. I just want to be with you. I love you.” Remus nodded, and squeezed Sirius’s hand.

“I love you too,” he said. He leant forward and kissed Sirius softly, but the kiss quickly deepened. Remus pushed Sirius back so that he was lying on the sofa.

“Moony,” Sirius whispered, pushing Remus off him slightly and giving him a questioning look. Remus sighed, and moved away from Sirius, sitting up.

“Slowly,” Remus said, “That’s what I want.” Sirius nodded in agreement, before the pair locked eyes and they both stood up and ran up to Remus’s bedroom.

* * *

“So much for taking it slow, huh, Moony?” Sirius said as he pulled his clothes on. Harry was awake in the next room and crying out for his Uncle Padfoot, so he was in somewhat of a hurry. Remus shrugged.

“Go get Harry,” was his only reply, though he was grinning. Sirius left the room, and Remus slowly got out of bed and dressed, thinking as he went. It wasn’t going to be easy, not when the hurt was still raw, not when Sirius was impulsive and reckless. But he loved Sirius, and he loved Harry, and they would make it work for all three of them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm currently writing the next one in this series, the Philosopher's Stone equivalent. It will probably be a few months before I post the first chapter, though I'm writing the third at the moment. I like to write ahead and give myself and my beta time to edit. 
> 
> The next one will be posted as part of this series as well, so make sure you subscribe to the series Road Untaken, not this fic!


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